According to recent research in psychology, being too nice can sometimes backfire on us.
People who compulsively say “yes” to everyone’s wants and needs often experience greater levels of stress and emotional burnout; they spend all their energy trying to make others happy, and they forget to take care of their own wants and needs.
Kindness is often seen as a sign of moral virtue in society, and in many ways it is, but those who are “too nice” often have their kindness rooted in an unhealthy desire to be accepted and liked by others, and not necessarily out of the goodness of their heart.
They do nice things for others not because they genuinely want to, but because they feel that is what is expected of them or they are desperate for positive attention.
Often doing the little things can make a big difference in how others perceive us.
I decided to compile a list of basic things that distinguish a “classy” and “respectful” person vs. a “rude” and “disrespectful” one.
These are little habits that everyone can learn and practice.
None of these suggestions are fancy, just simple things that if you do or don’t do, it can make you look “unfriendly,” “trashy,” or “rude.” A lot of it is basic etiquette.
This list identifies about 30 essential habits of a respectful person – but I’m going to continue adding to it as new ones come to mind (or people suggest new ones to me).
Most of us are likely good and well-intentioned people, but sometimes we’re missing 2 or 3 simple habits that make us come off more rude than we intend to be.
These “little things” – however little they may be – can go a long way in how you are perceived by others, so they are worth being reminded of.
Is your home welcoming to guests?
If a friend showed up at your door right now, would you feel comfortable letting them in for a small chat?
These are simple questions, but I think they can reveal something very important about your social life.
I just recently moved into a small one bedroom apartment about 3 months ago. And up until recently, I haven’t had many people visit me.
As a consequence, my place was a disorganized mess.
I have a high tolerance for messiness in general. But in the back of my mind I also thought, “I’m not going to have anyone over anytime soon, so there’s no point in cleaning up yet. But I will, eventually…”
This became a negative cycle.
I didn’t clean up or organize my place because I figured I wouldn’t have anyone over. But at the same time, I didn’t invite people over because my place wasn’t cleaned up.
Messy place → Less likely to invite people over → More loneliness and social anxiety → Continue letting place get messy.
However, recently a friend from my hometown reached out to me and told me he was going to visit.
Have you ever had a romantic interest in someone, but you waited a long time to finally tell them?
Often this is a recipe for frustration and disappointment. You spend time with someone, you share good times, you grow more and more fond of them, but you never come forward about your true feelings until it’s too late.
What happens is the other person begins to think of you as just a friend, and then when you finally do express your romantic interest (weeks, months, or years later), the other person isn’t capable of thinking of you in the same way.
For any relationship to work, you have to be honest about your intentions. And the sooner the better.
At its most basic level, social anxiety is a fear of being around people and being negatively judged. However, sometimes this fear can become so strong that it turns into hate.
When my social anxiety was at its worst, I began to have a very cynical attitude toward the world around me.
I started to believe that everyone was “stupid” or “evil” – and in a weird way, I used that belief to protect myself from my own social inadequacies and relationship failures.
I told myself things like, “It doesn’t matter whether people like me or not, because everyone sucks anyway. So who cares what they think?”
But the truth is I still really cared about what people thought of me, perhaps more than ever before. My cynicism was just a shield to protect me.
The worst part is you begin to only focus on the negative things about others. You’re quick to judge people when they make even the smallest of mistakes.