Hi, my name’s Steven.
I know it’s a cliché, but I hate writing about myself. It feels unnatural to me, perhaps because I’ve always been someone who likes to stay in his shell and keep himself hidden.
Being open about who you are – “being yourself” – is a very risky, costly, and vulnerable thing.
It means you will be seen by others, it means you’re susceptible to being judged, and it means you might be misinterpreted, misunderstood, or even just flat-out rejected.
Rejection is one of the strongest human emotions we experience. It’s the opposite of the “acceptance” we all crave in life. Nothing hurts more than rejection. When someone doesn’t like us and lets us know, it hits us at our core.
Although we like to pretend we are independent from other people’s judgments, we are highly influenced by them. Deep down, we want to be liked and accepted. We need it to feel good about ourselves and enjoy life.
But “being yourself” can be a double-edged sword. When you are yourself authentically, some people will appreciate it but others may not. Some people might love you, and some people might hate you. That’s the harsh reality of it.
Perhaps the worst of all, some people might just be plainly indifferent toward you. To be ignored – that can hurt too. We are such sensitive creatures!
We crave attention so much that sometimes we may even prefer “negative attention” over “positive attention,” simply because we feel so lonely and alienated. We just want the stimulus of attention. The acknowledgement that we are a human being and we are alive.
In many ways, our social anxiety stems from this basic need for acceptance, respect, and attention. These are simple psychological needs, yet they are crucial to our happiness in life.
If you are reading this site, it’s likely that you are struggling with meeting these basic needs like I have.
From an early age, I’ve always kept myself hidden from others out of fear of being judged and rejected. I can remember my first days at preschool and having a sense that I just didn’t “fit in” with the other kids. This feeling of being an “outcast” carried over into high school, college, and work.
It became a self-fulfilling cycle. I was socially anxious because I had trouble connecting with people, but I also had trouble connecting with people because I was socially anxious. It spilled over into all areas of my life.
Eventually I reached a point where I had to make a change – I couldn’t keep following the same patterns over and over again and expecting something different to happen. I had to make a change, but where to get started?
Needless to say there’s a lot of books and advice out there about how to build confidence and self-esteem to help combat social anxiety. So I dived right in to see if I could find anything useful.
I really needed help so I was willing to give almost anything a chance.
After reading literally hundreds of books and articles and watching tons of videos and lectures, I can safely conclude that 99% of the advice out there about overcoming social anxiety is misguided or incomplete.
But the 1% of valuable advice that is out there can be of tremendous help.
I studied many different topics in psychology including Cognitive Psychology, Behavioral Psychology, Social Psychology, Positive Psychology, and Mindfulness Meditation. In each of these subjects, I’ve discovered gems of wisdom that have helped me harness my social anxiety and improve my overall well-being.
It’s been 10 years now since I first started exploring more about psychology and self improvement. I’ve gradually applied this advice over the years – experimenting with what works vs. what doesn’t work – and slowly but surely improving myself and how I relate to the world around me.
To be honest, I still suffer from social anxiety. Studies show that there’s often a biological component behind anxiety disorders, so it may not be possible to ever get rid of it completely.
However, with the right tools and information, we can make our social anxiety much easier to manage and not as much of a drag on our daily world.
This is the mission behind Social Transformation – to share tips, advice, tools, and information to help other individuals who suffer from social anxiety and extreme shyness. If this advice can help just one person live a better life, then it’s worth it to share this stuff.
If you want to stay updated on advice and information on how to overcome your social anxiety and shyness, you should definitely sign up to our newsletter:
This is a great opportunity to begin facing your social anxiety head on and learn how to improve yourself and your overall well-being. Thanks for visiting us and I hope you find something here that truly helps you out!